Before you decide to become an Egyptian girl

If you are an Egyptian girl, I mean one of the ordinary majority, you can do whatever you want, anytime you want, wherever you want ... 'only' in your dreams :)This is one of the facts you should keep in mind if you are planning to become one. I don’t know how you can do that since receiving the honor of becoming an Egyptian citizen can’t happen even if you were born here, lived here all your life, gave all your fortune to Mubarak’s National Democratic Party, or prayed to God every single day.


Depending on your family, you, as an Egyptian girl, shouldn’t , may not or can’t do any of the following.

- Don’t talk on your mobile in the street. If you have to answer the phone, make sure to look serious, and don’t laugh for obvious reasons. (Not obvious?)

- Don’t smoke. Only your brother can. If you do, make sure it’s a female only trustworthy gathering where no one is going to report to your family. Don’t wear any wool because it'll keep the smell.

- Don’t have a boyfriend. If you have one, don’t tell your family unless you decide to marry. Needless to say that you can’t make or recieve a phone call when you are at home. Also, better not to receive too many text messages because it will sound suspicious. You’re brother, of course, can have a girl friend, go out with her, and talk to her on the house phone all night long. But this is none of your business. He's a man.

- Don’t have male friends. There’s not such a thing as a male-female platonic friendship.

- Don’t leave home with your hair wet!!

- Don’t tie your shoelaces in the middle of the street. You can do this only with your back to a wall. If you do it any other way, you may receive a touch, a hit or at least a dirty word. You’ll never know how tempting your behind may look when you bend over.

- Don’t try to fix anything that goes wrong with your car: 1) if you have a flat tire one morning, lose your job but never try to change it yourself as you’ll get your body into certain positions that passers-by would(n’t) like to watch, and 2) if for example you need to put water in the radiator, be sure to stand to the side and be conscious of your surroundings. What to do if you have either problem? Leave the car, go to a gas station, and get a guy to do it for you for the same reasons mentioned with the shoelaces.

- Don’t read on public transportation. It’s just not Egyptian. You’ll look stupid especially if you were glasses. And it doesn't even look sexy.

- Don’t argue with the taxi driver. Give him whatever he wants. And of course don’t sit in the passenger seat. Only back seat, please.

- Don’t walk into a lingerie shop if you are on your own. Better with one or two other females. On your own? Hmm … you’re too ‘bold’

- When you have guests or visiting someone, don’t sit next to a male. Sit next to a woman or a girl even if you know she’ll talk your ear off. Also sit with people you’re age as you’re not usually welcome into “big people’s” talk.

- When you get engaged, don't tell your fiance you ever had a boyfriend. Although he may not buy it, he'd rather think it's true than lose his sense of masculinity by getting engaged to a girl who has had a boyfriend before. It's not "and vice versa". His past is only his and can't be taken against him.

- If you are on the street and suddenly crave some ice-cream, don’t buy it in a cone. Go for a cup and a spoon if you're planning to eat it on the street!

- Don’t refuse offers of arranged marriages if you passed your mid-twenties. "You’ll regret it later," all wise family members say.

- Don’t stand at a corner if you’re waiting for someone. Find somewhere with lots of light and stand seriously without marching to and forth or you’ll have to deal with the many price offers you get.

- Don't run on the street for any reason, not even for sports. Maxmim is a fast-paced walk.

- If you have to phone a female friend from one of the many mobile shops around, try to you use a masculine pronoun talking to her. If you slip, at least don’t mention her name. The poor girl may suffer endless attempts of contact from the Ali of the kiosk you used.

- Don’t answer back if for any reason a guy on the street swears at you. You’ll never be able to match his unlimited list of vocabulary that you’ve never heard before. And you probably will end up screaming something like “Oh you dog! Donkey! Animal!” which, to him, are nothing but synonyms for his own name.

If you are an Egyptian girl, consider yourself lucky. You can still do many things that girls in Saudi Arabia can't even dream of.