No, I am not. I am still alive.

"I hope this message brings you comfort and not grief. I just felt I wanted to talk to you.

To my family: You were my life. I always kept you in my soul, my eyes, and my heart. I tried hard to make you proud of me and hope I could do that somehow. I know I made you worried sometimes and I am sorry I did. Yet, I want you to know that I was always strong and managed to find away to hang in there. If I was to choose my family, I would have never chosen any other family. You always supported me, cared for me, and loved me. Nothing was warmer than going back to you on every hard days of my life. Nothing was better than your hug, dad, your prayers, mom, and your pure heart, brother. I wish I tried harder to make you happy. I still love you more than anything in the world.

To my cousins: I loved you and cared for you more than you thought I did. I forgive those of you who were hard on me sometimes and I hope you do the same.

To Marwa: You were the sister I always wanted for myself. Please be strong and do not get married to the first loser that comes your way. You deserve a real man. Please take anything you want from my stuff and give the rest to charity. If you still have the Euros I kept with you, give them all out to charity as well. I love you more than you know.

To Rania: I love you and do not remember anything except our happy days and our all night long chats.

To my Turkish friend and two American friends: I totally believe God sent you my way because He knew how much I needed you then. You are nothing but special and I know you will have nothing but the wonderful life that you deserve. I always found refuge in you and comfort in your words. Your pride in me was at times one of the very few good things about my life. I love you.

To those I once upset… Please forgive me for God only knows I never meant to. Anything I did or said was wither sincerely meant for your good or unmeant to hurt you.

To those who made me dearly cry: I did not forgive you at the time I wrote this because I knew there was not reason for you to make me sad and yet you never said sorry. I knew I was special but you did not. But I know I now forgive you. I just hope you do not make more people cry.

To President Mubarak, I do not forgive you for all what you did to me and my loved ones; Egyptian people.

To Egypt: I never hated you. I got angry with you sometimes, but was always happy to walk around you and talk to you.

To everyone else I know: I am grateful to have known you. You made me smile, think, wonder, learn, work, laugh, believe, give, love, and be strong.

I loved my life and always felt lucky and privileged. I did not hate anyone.

I am sorry if this message is sad. I think it would have been so even if it were all jokes.

I still have my smile."