Molokheya with whatever

If you would like to learn how to make one delicious Egyptian dish, you can google 'molokheyya' and find the whole history of the dish as well as a list of recipes. If you want to try it, print a recipe out, buy a frozen pack of molokheya at a supermarket, and give it a try.

But if you would like to make REAL molokheya, listen to no one but me.

To serve four hungry people, you will need half a kilogram of molokheya leaves, a crushed half head of garlic, a lot of patience, stock of a happy chicken, ground coriander, things to think about for half an hour, strong lungs, three spoonfuls of margarine or butter, and some excitement.

OK, first wash the molokheya leaves well and spread them on newspaper sheets. Choose the pages carefully because they do affect the taste. You can also leave it to dry on a big towel. Tasteless, though, if not the towel of someone you love. Keep flipping the leaves over until they are dry. Everything else should be ready to start the fun part.

Use your kitchen counter top. Oh, I forgot to tell you, you need a special knife called 'makhrata'. Using the makhrata is a skill that you will be surprised by how fast you have developed. Take the leaves a handful at a time. Think of the things you would like to do in your life. Get them step by step. You cannot go fast now. Once the big molokheyya leaves have become medium sized ones, you may now go faster. Remember people you love, tell them things you were never able to say before. Tell them how much you love them and want to be there for them.

Keep moving the knife up and down, from side to side. You will automatically be put on a tedious soothing mode. Surprisingly enough, your hips will start moving with the pace of the knife. Do not stop, just keep working on it until you have managed to think over the problem that is on your mind now.

Molokheya is now less than quarter the size you started with. You will feel happy about the dark green color it has changed into. Boil the stock. Add the molokheyya little by little till it gets into the thickness you want. Too slimy is not good. Keep stirring and smiling. In a sauce pan, put butter, ground coriander, your sorrows, and crushed garlic. Stir till it all smells real good, and if you have flu, till it is all dark gold.

Ready?! Pour the fried garlic onto the molokheya and give the loudest gasp you can ever make, one that shows how strong your lungs are. Why? So that when your neighbors smell your food, they will get busy thinking what must have happened to cause the gasp rather than give your cooking an evil eye and your molokheya goes bad.

If you do not believe Egyptian women do this while cooking molokheya, you can ask one. Do not forget to ask them why they do not sing in the bathroom.