Four days in Istanbul

9.25 pm.

Sitting at a small table by the glass ceiling-high window, cozy café on Istiqlal St., Istanbul. Eating warm brownie and neglecting a strong cappuccino. Feeling so tired having walked for over nine hours. Glad I had recently started the habit of carrying my notebook around. I opened it, rested it on my waist and the blue pen started writing everything on my mind now.

-Arrived at Istanbul on a charter flight full of Egyptians. Amazing how they followed rules once they were outside their country.
-Bus to hotel: Istanbul by night brings me memories of parts of Kuwait and Dubai. It’s less crowded, cleaner, and more civilized than I expected. Fresh air.
-I loved the narrow steep streets. (They were good exercise)
-First morning there. Wooow .. I am in Europe.
-No one is staring at me in my curry yellow head scarf. Now I know how foreigners in Egypt must feel being scanned everywhere they go for simply being different-looking.
-I feel cold and lonely.
-Elegantly dressed people walked up and down the main shopping street.
-Things I have never seen on Cairo street: people kissing and hugging, a gay man in female dress and full makeup, people playing music and singing for money, a cute red street car I had always wanted to ride-and I did, a flag marking a gay club, Christmas lights everywhere.
-Galata Tower: climb in the elevator and view Istanbul by night… as if a sky full of colorful twinkling stars decided to come down and cover houses and streets.
-A cozy shop/cafe by the tower sells female accessories and clothes, has warm decoration, and is owned by an elegant lady in her mid-forties who makes good turkish tea. She speaks little English but can communicate perfectly well with her eyes and smile.
-For some unconscious reason I thought I’d understand Turkish and everyone would understand my Arabic. All attempts failed on both sides.
-All signs are in Turkish. Hmm .. now I need to use the bathroom. Shall I walk where it said ‘Bay’ or ‘Bayen’ ? The latter is safer. I was right.
Four more words: evet ‘yes’, giris ‘enter’, cikis‘ exit’, su ‘water’.
-Aya Sophia. It was great to see a wall painting of Virgin Mary carrying Jesus hanging above the word “Allah” written in gold Arabic calligraphy.
-The Blue Mosque. Must have been designed by a genius. I felt so peaceful inside it.
-Alcohol everywhere.
-People are the same wherever you are - they smiled, laughed, walked, loved and cried the same way.
-One big difference between cafés in Cairo and those of Istanbul: majority of customers in Cairo, as noted by a French friend, “are teenagers dressed and looked the same, walked around the café talking on their cell phones in English”
-Turkish music came out of bookstores and music stores. Filled the air with a special charm. I don’t remember any of the songs and can’t forget their effect.
-I need to change some money. ‘Please sir, LE 100’. He handed me 16.5 Turkish liras. I was too tired to think this was true. Took the Egyptian banknote back and handed him $50.
-A side street had a number of restaurant designed similarly. People sat there talking and having dinner. Three musicians carrying lute, violin and drum walked around table singing to diners. Lovely strong voices.
- Still have 4 hours before going to the airport. OK. Take the subway.
Excuse me. How long is the trip?
Two minutes.
No. I know there’s one every 2 minutes. (miming) How long is the trip?
Two minutes.
OK. Whatever.
I got on and sat by the window. After two minutes the car stopped and everyone got off. I looked at the driver. He figured from the look on my face there was a mistake, waved me sit-down and refused I paid any money. Glad the man who sat opposite me kept looking at my face while I was crying-it felt good that someone understood something was wrong.
-I passed by a woman selling bracelets on a dark side street. She started shouting as walked by her. I got scared and thought she might have wanted me to buy something. Didn’t even look back and walked to my hotel.
-Brownie tastes great.
-I wish I could sit with the six young Turkish people having coffee near my table now. I would love to make sense of whatever they are saying. I want to know you, people.
-Now I wonder how other European cities are like, how they looked especially around Christmas time. I wonder if I would be comfortable and happy living in one of them.

11.05 pm.

I sat on the bus heading towards the Airport. Not sure how the four days really felt. One thing I am sure of, though… for some reason I am not going to be the same after this trip.

U need a formal permission to volunteer

After trying for 20 days to go on this visit, I finally managed to get myself off bed at 8 in the morning. I drove for about 15 minutes and found a parking behind the school. As I approached the front gate flashes of my childhood memories played in front of my eyes. I saw my mom holding my hand on the first day of school. I was wearing checked shirt and navy blue skirt. I hid behind my tiny blue glasses and, when this didn’t work, I tried to hide behind my mom. I remembered the xylophone and accordion I played every morning, the big bell I always wanted to ring but never got to, and the huge year six boy who once pushed me on the playground. I remembered my trembling voice every time I took part in the live school broadcast.
At the gate, there was a short slim man wearing a thick moustache that seemed to be what kept him balanced. He turned out to be a teacher although he would have passed for a doorkeeper. He showed me to the principal’s office and introduced me to him, to Mr. Esmat.

Me: I used to be a student here more than 20 years ago and I’d like to volunteer.
Mr. Esmat: Sorry, you’d like to what?
Me: I’d like to … volunteer.
Mr. Esmat: Ok. Please have a seat. I’ll be with you in a minute.

The lobby was a three-ring circus: there were at least 5 parents, 10 secretaries and teachers, and 3 maids. In the middle of the principal’s messy office, there were three university interns sitting at a table copying down something, an office boy, a teacher using the telephone, and a secretary stamping documents.

Mr. Esmat: Ahlan wasahlan.
Me: Thank you.

I handed him a copy of my Arabic resume. After reading it carefully, he sat forward and listened to me talk about my plans for the school. He responded well and told me about the type of students I could be working with. Then we reached an expected point of the conversation.

Mr. Esmat: Look, miss. I’d love to have you here I’m sure we need your help. But you know that employing takes place via the ministry not me. And we hire part-timers the same way.
Me: Me. Esmat, I am here to VOLUNTEER. This means I don’t want any money. Not even for resources.
Mr. Esmat: Ok, there is only one thing that you might need to do.
Me: Anything.
Mr. Esmat: You need to go to the office of Heliopolis department of education, ask for Mr. Mohamed Abdel Hady. You need to get a security permission from him.
Me: Sure. Where is that? (“Here we go,” I said to myself)

He gave me the address and some directions. I took the car and headed to Abbaseyya Square, kept running around in circles of people, buses, cabs, cars, and fumes. I miraculously found an underground parking.
Mr. Abdel Hady’s office was a small room located on the second floor of the building. I walked in to see a man drinking his tea,... and two women, one reading the paper and the other on the phone.

Me: Good morning. I’m looking for Mr. Abdel Hady.
Woman 2: He’s not here yet. (it was 10:20 am)
Me: When is he expected to arrive?
Woman 2: (after scanning me) We don’t know. He never says.
Me: I mean do I need to wait for half an hour or two hours?
Woman 2: Either. We don’t know. What do you need him for?
Me: I need a security permission.

After I explained what I needed it for, the man put his cup of tea on his desk and sat up straight.
Man: Do you think you can just walk in and out of the school just like that? Anyway, we can’t issue that for you. Neither can Mr. Mohamed. You need to go to the main department of education on Abdou Basha square.

I drove around crazy packed side streets until I found it. I walked into the office that had a sign reading “Security.” There were three men talking loudly and enthusiastically about the previous evening’s Egyptian football match. The guy I was supposed to talk to was trying to make his point clear: it was the defense’s mistake. The other two totally disagreed. I stood there feeling invisible.

Me: By the way. You are absolutely right. It was the defense’s fault. I saw the match.
Man: Of course it was. Did you see when number 10 stood there doing nothing? Was he paralyzed?
Me: No, sir. It was because those players just care about the money they take and they have no real love of the game.
Man: You’re right. (he angrily banged the desk then smiled broadly) How can I help you?

I explained what I needed and he said that I had to go the Ministry of Education with a letter of request, a copy of my ID, and two photos. He also said that most probably it would get rejected as the security department always wants to avoid any reason for “headache.”

I smiled and didn’t comment. I left the office regretting two things: not using that morning for something better and not watching the football match I lied about... I wanted to know whose fault it was.

Follow Instinct

Place: Egypt, Cairo. Maadi. A quiet apartment on the fourth floor.
A room with a desk. Huge library covering all four walls. Two walls have been added using a partition.

Time: Early Saturday morning

Who: Shiekh Yusuf El-Badry (Independent Islamic Scholar) + a friend doing her master's about Islam and female genital mutilation + "lucky" me doing interpretation.

Duration: Two hours of explaining and giving proof from Quraan and 'authentic!' hadith that female circumcision is allowed, and even recommended, in Islam and not haraam. He supports his views with scientific evidence.

Question from me: If you are that sure about what you're saying and other people are also sure that the opposite is true, who is a simple Muslim with a simple mind going to follow?
Sheikh: They follow what their fitrah tells them to do. (=follow their sound instinct)

insomnia unveiled

How’s your vacation? Are you having a good time? This is of course what I receive from whoever knows I am on vacation for a ‘whole’ month. What they don’t really realize is that I wanted to go back to work 3 days after the vacation started. Since I am out of my usual routine, my mind decided to start and develop its own alternative routine. It started everyday with being insomniac, waking up late (of course), going out, returning home to work until after midnight and then be insomniac again. This time it was different… for a good reason you’ll know in a bit. It’s 7:13 am and I haven't had a wink of sleep. I am at my cousin’s. She’s fast asleep since 10.30 pm last night after complimenting me by talking for half an hour while dozing off. So I started my insomnia early. It was a couple of hours later that this conversation took place.

My condition: flu, sleepy/sleepless eyes, and a fired brain. We were discussing advice regarding graduate programs in the UK (I guess you already got tired of hearing about that)

ME • Thanx 4 the advice … be careful. It's 3 in the morning. U're becoming Egyptian.
HE - lol. I know. After opera, went for dinner, then the party and didn't see time fly... but you still have your evening ahead of you! (I had decided not to talk with anyone about it until Saturday. I couldn’t)
• I don't think I'll sleep b4 dawn
- Ya, that's what i mean
• Insomniac tonight as well (waiting for a ‘why?’)
- You're funny. Any particular reason or is it that you just prefer living at night? (Good/Bad he asked)
• I usually prefer.. but not when I have flu. I decided t discuss Hijab with family tomorrow… don't know where to start, and no idea what to expect.
- Oh, is that why you're delaying sleep?
• I just can't sleep
- Good luck
• keep having image of many people's reactions
- I'd like to be more helpful, but not sure what else to say
• U can't really. It's a hell of music I have to face. I think many people will be happy (donno y), and more will be angry … and some furious
- Do you think it would be more acceptable if, having lived abroad, you came back without it?
• I don't know … really don't know what to expect
- Well, taking it by steps, it's great you went through the process of questioning, whatever the conclusion is; and great too that you have the courage to bring it up with family. The next steps, to an extent, can take care of themselves
• OK 1- I have a conservative family (a bearded brother/a bearded father/a veiled mom)
2- They don't read about religion
3- I live in a Sunni neighborhood full of men wearing beards and women wearing niqaab
4- My extended family is all veiled except 1 (she’s considered a bit of an outcast)
5- My female cousins who are my best friends were raised in Saudi Arabia (!!!)
6- people at work will split … half of them (mainly Christians) will be happy assuming I'm leaving my religion, the other half (Muslims) will be equally angry for the same reason and I HAVE to DEAL with all that while focusing on my work.
(I didn’t know it was that serious, I could even think of 6 more)
- That's a lot
• Thanx 4 reading
- Sorry, it's an understatement
• Hmmm .. understatement. Ok. How comforting !
- Sorry
• By the way ,,, I put it simply
- I guessed
• Hmm .. "good luck " was a good response ,, u see?
- But if i may tease you a moment, this is one more reason why I have always said, however much I love women, and appreciate their company, I am definitely glad to be a man
• I really wish I were a man too. In a world like the one I live in!!! It's definitely a man's world. It's just not what the majority think which makes me wonder sometimes if I'm doing the right thing.
- But the right thing is usually contextual, and no objective standard exists really
• If I think what I am doing is the right thing (at least now) it is pushing me away form my surroundings and that's not an easy thing for someone who cherishes her family a lot.
- I realise, so perhaps the matter comes down to this: would you still wear the veil for social reasons? But I suspect, in part based on past conversations, that your questioning is not limited to the hijab. And therefore the underlying issue is whether you keep your conclusions private, turning your practice into a social behaviour, or whether you want to publicise them, in which case there will be a certain amount of work, discussion, comforting, education, or consensus building with those whom you love
• I'd go for the second option ..with as little publicising as possible, as much comforting as possible.

It's the soul that matters the most

One of the worst nightmares you can ever have is having to take a cab from Mohandessin to downtown at around 2 p.m. in Ramadan. I got on a cab with the usual intention of:
- not talking to the driver and avoiding eye contact in the mirror
- giving him whatever he asks for
- not answering the phone unless it's a family member (& making it clear that the one on the phone is my brother and not my boyfriend)
- rejecting phone calls when I had to talk in English (not to be charged the double-no sunglasses for the same reason)

The driver kept cursing the car and for about 5 minutes he kept asking her why she stopped every time he hit the brake or the clutch. The traffic wouldn't move and, of course, he had to brake and the car stopped. He got off the cab and hid behind the hood for less than a minute.
He got into his seat and once he managed to start the engine, he changed into a different creature.

He was a bulky guy in his early thirties. I don't remember anything about his facial features other than they being big ,and getting bigger when he speaks louder.

Five minutes later I decided to have one good cab ride.

Driver - Finally it worked. I knew what to do, it's just my damn wife who is driving me crazy.
Me - Why? What did she do to you?
- We're having our apartment redecorated. The damn mentally disturbed painter she hired got paint all over the place although I had asked him to cover the furniture. He even got paint on shoes, mademoiselle!
- Ma'lesh. You'll forget all this when all is done.
- What can I do. When a woman wants something, her head becomes zay el gazma el 2adeema(an old pair of shoes = she's adamant)

We reached 6th of October and cars remained motionless as if they were part of a noisy photograph.



Me - What's all this heavy traffic ?
- It's up to the government to fix this.
- By the way, who are you going to vote for in the next elections.
- If he's still alive I won't go.
- Why not? Don't you want things to get better?
- Elections are nothing but a silly show. I'll tell you a joke
"A man decided to vote in the last elections. He voted 'No'. He later met his friends at the cafe and told them what he did. They told him off and insisted that he should go back and vote 'Yes' if he wanted to live safely any more. The scared guy went back to the voting center and asked to talk to the judge in charge.
I want to change my vote to 'Yes.' I am really sorry about that.
No problem. We knew that it was a mistake and we changed it for you. Don't ever do that again. OK?"

The driver laughed out loud and caused an 8 richter scale earthquake. He kept talking about many other things and of course he took the conversation into What do you do? Where are you from? etc.

We were a couple of minutes away from Tahrir square. By that time I was already calling him by his first name (a thing that I'm sure he appreciated)

- You know, Miss. Beauty isn't everything (= you're not pretty) It's the soul of a person that attracts you. You have a beautiful soul that makes people feel comfortable talking to you.
- Thanks for the compliment.
- It's not a compliment. My wife, for example, is sooo pretty. But ... she's choking me.
- C'mon. I'm sure you love her.
- If I got you your own apartment on Faisal street, would you accept to marry me?
- Really? That would be convenient. I'll of course own it after your wife has killed you on our wedding day.
- (laughing) Wallahi. I'm serious!
- No, ya sidi thanks. I'm fine like this.
- Insha'llah you'll meet a good man 'coz you're really a good human being.
- (Leaving the cab)Thank you, Mohamed. Say hi to your wife :)

Leffi keda!!

• Where are you off to?
- Having iftar with colleagues. Do you think this blouse goes well with these pants?
• Yes, they do? Leffi keda! (turn around)
She smiles & makes a full turn of the kind made by a young girl wearing a new dress for the first time.
• Don’t you think that the pants are too tight?
- Well, I think they’re fine.
• Hmmm, but they make you look (--------)
- No, they don’t. There’s nothing wrong with them.
• I’m a man and I know what I’m talking about. Beige linen pants are not always a good idea ;)
Smile is still there. She goes to her room and changes.
- What do you think now?
• Black is better.
- Ok then. Mashy. What about this scarf?
• You know what? The problem is not the pants. It’s the silk blouse.
- Oh, c’mon. (smile is fading away)
• Really! Believe me it’s too attention attracting (literal translation from Arabic) plus it’s short.
- Apparently you don’t see what girls wear these days. What I’m wearing now is nothing but modest. (putting on her veil and avoiding eye-contact while getting ready to leave)
• I don’t care about who wears worse.
- But I really want to wear this outfit today. (smile is back to avoid a fuss)
She grabs car keys and opens the door.
- ‘Salam!’
• Yes, a quick salam is better. (winks ;)

Top 10 lies an Egyptian woman tells her man

1- Do you know who phoned me yesterday? My ex-boyfriend/husband/fiance.
2- Oh, come on! I don't care about presents at all. You're my real present!
3- Your salary is fine. I would live with you no matter what.
4- You're the first one ever to touch my hand!!
5- Please don't say so about yourself. You are 170 kg and you still look great. I love you the way you are.
6- Your mom is just like my mom to me.
7- You were great tonight.
8- I was with my mom at the doctor's.
9- A rich engineer working in the Gulf is coming to propose on Thursday.
10- You know? Last year I was only 50 kg.

Egyptian Scanner!

A new group. First meeting. You walk into a café in Zamalik and before you know you are inside the quickest scanner you’ve ever seen.
Check list.
1- Are you good looking and sexy? If not very …
2- Your clothes can compensate. How big is Adidas printed on your T-shirt/shoes/bag? Not any…
3- Hmm, you’d better make a noise with your key chain or complain about how hard it is to find parking around Zamalik. No car… ? Avoid transportation topic because you might have to say you took the subway or even worse a micro bus.
5- In case key chain is unavailable, then it’s time for your cell phone to do something about it. If it cost you less than $ 500, better keep it in your pocket.
6- Your next option is your language(s). Use English to show off, especially a good accent. French is to make it clear that your family is well-educated and rich. You don’t speak any!
7- Arabic is okay if you negate with ‘mish’ instead of ‘ma + -sh’ .
E.g.: “mish bashrab shisha” instead of “mabashrabsh shisha” (I don’t smoke shisha)
Caution: If you are a guy, don’t overdo it, unless you mean it!!
8- DO NOT walk in with a book in your hand, or talk about politics, religion, or literature. You’ll be seen as complicated poor bookworm (not mistaken here for ‘sophisticated’). Degrees are OK as long as they are either international or from the American University (AUC)
9- None of the above. Don’t give up, especially if you like one in the group. Where you live is one of the most effective strategies. I should have mentioned it earlier, actually. Don't throw it into the chat unless you live by the Nile, in Mohandessin, Zamalik, Garden City, Heliopolis, Dokki/Agouza (a good part) , Maadi (preferably old Maadi or Degla), certain new areas in the outskirts of Cairo, Nasr City (esp. if by a big mall). Any place not mentioned here… Sorry … your sitting with the wrong people and soon you’ll be kicked out.
10- Wait. There’s hope? Any of your parents not Egyptian? Good for you! Say a word in their dialect, people ask you, your fine!

If any of these don't happen, you are sitting with foreigners. Last week I found out that a non-Egyptian friend, who I had known for two months, had a PhD in nuclear physics. He was not the one who told me and doesn’t even know that I have this piece of info about him. My non-Egyptian best friend had become my best friend before I knew he could fly airplanes, speak 4 languages (maybe more!!), and visited at least 15 countries. I would have known all this Day 1 if he were an Egyptian!!

Salman Rushdie

After two weeks of trying to arrange for this meeting, he could finally come and talk to me. I had just arrived home after a long day at work but couldn't have rejected the chance. He is considered 'by my brother' to be a knowledgeable open-minded scholar (sheikh) who would be able to answer all my questions!

He sat on the balcony with my brother, shutters closed. I sat on a chair behind the shutters where we could hear but not see each other.

He talked to me in a warm confident voice that patiently welcomed my questions.
Chose to you this part of the meeting:


1- My first question Sheikh is very simple: If a man and a woman commit fornication, the ruling in Shari'a is the same for both.
-That's right. (he recites verse 24:2 which means that both the sinning man and woman receive the same punishment.)



Are they equally forgiven insha'allah if they repent?
- Of course. (and he recites the beautiful verse 39:53)


Does the man have to tell his future wife about his past relationships?
- NO. Why would he reveal a sin that Allah has covered for him? Doesn't make sense?

Does the woman have to tell her future husband about her past relationship?
- (pauses) YES.

Haven't they both repented? What is the difference?
- She has to tell him. If she hides this surgically it'll be considered deceit.

But 'why would he reveal a sin that Allah has covered for him? Doesn't make sense?'
- She has to pay for what she did and know that she also might have to give up some of her dowry or so.

Sheikh, you know how big a nightmare this can be for a woman in a Middle Eastern society? and religion actually asks her to forget and says that it's not the right of the future husband to know anything the woman doesn't want to reveal?
- (getting a bit frustrated) She has to submit to the fact that she is physically and anatomically different from a man and this is her fate.

Frustrated myself, I decided to move on to the next question.

2- My second question Sheikh is regarding the death penalty for people like Salman Rushdie. Why is his life sought for writing a piece of fiction?



(Sheikh's words are his and not Islam's.)