Thursday, 30 April 2009

One of those days ...

It's one of those days when you walk aimlessly in the streets with your earphones plugged tightly inside your ears so that you hear no noise, not honking, no men hassling. A long daydream in which you walk into a shop, try something on, pay for it and leave. You go home and ask yourself why you bought it and feel grateful it was only a two-dollar item.
It's one of those days when flashes from the past and others from the future keep playing in front of your eyes. When you feel warm simply because your bag fell to the right and touched your leg. Yes, you need a touch that much.
It's one of those days when you get mad at the professor who tells you to re-do an assignment that was lost due to a technical problem and you feel she didn't talk to you nicely and take it all out on a colleague then apologize to him sending him an e-mail later to tell him that you are worried about your trip to New York and actually feel scared already, that you don't want to go because you have a feeling one of your parents might pass away while you are away from them, that you don't want to go because you don't want the new city to change you into a hard person, that you can't bear to stay another year where you are, though.
It's one of those days when you go to work at 9.00 pm and finish preparation in one hour rather than the usual three hours.
It's one of those days when only your father's warm hug might make you feel better.

Saturday, 11 April 2009

Issue 18. October-November 2008.

It is one of those days when you wake up feeling "something wrong is going to happen today". That was yesterday and it ended with a minor car accident resulting in no casualties other than my poor front bumper and right side mirror. I know what you're going to say, but I swear it was not my fault. It's the fault of the transparency Egyptians see in the white dotted lines on Cairo streets, which are supposed to mean 'stick to your £%^&$£ lane'. But anyway, let's not get into the top ten things I hate about this city. So that was it for yesterday.

Same thing happened this morning; I woke up feeling 'weird'. I drove my semi-busted car and I was surprised to have been able to not get into another accident although I had no right mirror, which explains why accidents are not as frequesnt as they should be on the streets of Cairo given the fact that more than half the population drive with their side mirrors closed.

It's my weekend but I'm tutoring a colleague. I came to work early to do some planning for my classes tomorrow. I chose a computer out of the fifteen and sat down sipping my coffee and munching my cinnamon roll.

Behind the monitor there was an internally published magazine/newsletter. On the front cover, I saw an A5 up close photo of the ex-girlfriend of my ex-boyfriend. Looking at the date of the issue, I realized that this magazine had been sitting there since November 2008 just waiting for me to decide on one April morning to go to work early and choose that computer and check what's behind the monitor while it started up.

It's amazing how things happen when you don't want them to. And more amazing is the sequence of events that lead to them. Reminds me of the long flashback scene in 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button'. It actually feels the same.

Two months ago, I conducted a teacher training workshop to a group of volunteer English student-teachers. I had changed the day and time. On that day, my brother was going to pick me up. He got caught in traffic and, to avoid harassment, I decided to go up to a near-by bookstore. I walked in to see the face of a friend of my ex-fiance. And of course I realized that I'd see the ex-fiance there although I didn't want to see him again... ever. Although I wanted on that day to tell him how much I regretted meeting him ever, for many reasons, I didn't.

It's fate. And don't tell me you don't believe in it and that you can make your own. It's these little things that tell you that you're not in control. It's also these same incidents that make you think about why they happen and sometimes you realize they occur 'just because' and they happen to you in particular 'just because ... er...'. You realize that sometimes it's not worth analyzing everything. I can't find any explanation why I would see her photo although over two years I only saw her back and a 2" x 2" photo of her. I can't find any explanation I would run into someone I had prayed to God not to see again.

Some things happen when you don't want them to, or you don't care if they do.

For whatever reason, they just happen.